You need to be near water. You need to commune with water. If you can get to a beach or even a tub or a sink, you need to spend more time around water. You need more ease in your life. You need to experience more ease and part of the way that you can do that right now is by literally surrounding yourself with items or images or landscapes or environments, things that hold the vibration of ease and by virtue of being able to be around those things and entrain with their energy, you’re able to help your body raise its vibration by being around more ease and therefore, to a certain degree, embody more ease and experience more ease.
There’s a level of toxicity in your system that you’re needing to flush out right now. You may be experiencing it as physical. The emotional source of it, though, is a lot of toxic people in your life right now. One in particular, that’s very close to you. A male or masculine energy, possibly a father figure or an uncle or brother. There’s a male figure in your life in particular that’s coming up as being extremely toxic in your life that needs to have its toxicity removed from your life.
There’s also something rotten in your gut. There’s something you made a decision about already that isn’t sitting right with you. Something is not sitting right with you in your gut. It’s a decision you made already and if you were to undo this decision, you’re afraid that people are going to hate you for it or think you’re flaky or unworthy of their trust or you’re just not trustworthy. That fear is unfounded as they will understand. If you explain to them why you need to back out of the thing you already agreed to, they’ll be more understanding than you’re expecting or thinking they will be.
Something is still rotten in your gut. You need to get out of your current environment. That move to be more near water is not only a call to entrain more with environments that facilitate ease, like being around large bodies of water – there’s just a feeling of you being done with the environment you’re in. Whatever karmic loop or whatever karmic lesson you had to gain from the environment that you’re in right now, you’ve learned it. You’ve gained what you’ve had to gain from it, now you need to leave it.
There’s also a sense of claustrophobia. I’m feeling like it’s difficult to breathe. It feels like your lungs are being crushed – cannot breathe at all – related to this environment that you’re in and the amount of responsibility that you’ve been taking on. Responsibilities for other people. You’ve been taking care of other people, doing emotional labor, trying to keep everything together, trying to be the peacekeeper in the family and the house and this environment. No longer.
To save your own soul, to save your own self, you need to get the heck out of that environment, get near bodies of water. The closer you can live to a body of water, the better, but short of that – literally just bottled water, sink tap water. Drink it. When you’re bathing, set intentions for clarity, for peace, for ease in your life.
You also feel, because of all of this energetic congestion that’s happening and this level of toxicity you’re dealing with, there’s mental fog. You feel uncertain even as to how to get into a different environment from the one you’re in because the logistics feel overwhelming, but it’s kind of a self-defeating circle here where if you don’t make the move and get out of the environment, the mental fog and the exhaustion and the stress is going to continue to pile up and it’s just going to make it even harder for you to figure out what you’re doing with a clear head.
So you just need to move. Trust your gut on this one. Wherever you’re able to go that is the path of least resistance, go do that just as long as you’re able to establish literal physical distance between you and this male energy or masculine energy – family member, close acquaintance – that’s extremely toxic in your life. The more physical distance you can put between yourself and them right now, the better.
It’s going to be absolutely necessary for you to trust yourself at this point. As you start to move into this different new location, you’re going to be working on rebuilding your life. Rebuilding your life and your daily routine or schedule from the ground up from zero. It’s really important to trust yourself right now.
One of the things that feels like it was sacrificed in your relationship with this masculine figure is your sense of autonomy, your ability to make decisions for yourself, and you trusting the decisions that you make for yourself. A lot of second guessing happening. It feels like it may have been from this masculine figure basically sowing seeds of doubt in your head, telling you that you can’t listen to yourself and only they can make decisions for you or they know best for you or something like that.
Once you’re able to establish physical space your body will naturally just start to heal from the trauma. Another thing is to be careful with your diet. Watch your diet. If you eat fish, make sure you pay attention to how much fish you’re consuming and what kinds. You need to make sure you’re not experiencing heavy metal poisoning. Certain fish are more contaminated than others. Double check that you’re following the best health practices with regards to eating fish. Make sure you’re getting them from the best sources possible, and make sure that there isn’t a ton of heavy metal poisoning in the types of fish that you’re eating.
You seem a little bit calmer now, so that’s good. It’ll take time to heal. Don’t feel ashamed or sad or something if you still think about this person that you’re leaving, if you don’t 100% heal back to or into where you want to be immediately, it may take a couple of years for you to really adjust to the new life that you’re building for yourself and the new personality you gain or social habits of not letting people walk all over you or demean you in any way, shape, or form. It’ll take time, but you’re going to a good place.
I can see your gut healing a bit more. You’re very much loved by your spirit team. You may feel lonely in a physical sense. You may have people around you, but emotionally, the kind of relationship you have with them isn’t the deeply intimate, emotionally connected relationships that you feel you need to thrive. It’ll take time to build that, but that will come as well. It won’t happen if you don’t distance yourself from this toxic family member or acquaintance. The longer you are able to be physically away from them and the more you socialize, you’re going to be able to start to build your own personal community or support network of friends. You’ll make a full recovery.
What you’re really needing in your life right now is those intimate, deeply bonded, connected friendships. I see your gut making a full recovery, just based on being able to have those healthy intimate relationships in there. And that’s kicked off by you physically removing yourself from that toxic being.