You feel lost right now because there’s such an uncertainty and an unease in your stomach. You’re recoiling, also very clenched.
You feel like you’re lost at sea now. It’s like you have to take control of the ship. The reason you feel lost right now is because you’re not manning your ship. You’re not controlling your ship. You’re not exercising control. You’re not asserting yourself. You’re not figuring out what you want. You know what you want, but you’re not being decisive and assertive about going for what you want.
You’re taking a back seat or a passenger seat in your life right now and you’re allowing other people to run rampant in your head. You’re not listening to your gut, you’re completely disconnected from your body, which is giving you signals. I’m feeling like you may be experiencing hair issues, scalp issues, potentially itchy scalp or dandruff issues because you’re not anchored into your gut and you’re letting other people run rampant in your life that you should kick out of your life and your hands are not on the wheel. Your issue here is a lack of attempting to even control things or direct things.
This comes from past childhood trauma where you did try to do that, and experienced getting slapped on the wrist or degraded, basically treated extremely poorly and punished because you were trying to control your life and the adults around you – your parents, parental figures, adult caregivers – were not supportive at all. Any time that you tried to exercise control or will over your own life they tried to correct you back into their way of seeing things, their way of doing things.
That left you feeling really down on trying to exercise control. You exercising control triggers that trauma, which is what they were trying to train you into. Now, any time you have a desire for something, it’s almost like touching an electric fence. You’re just like, “Absolutely not. I’m not doing that again because I remember what happened last time. I got punished.” So you stay away from the wheel of the car. But now the car is careening off the side of the road and you’re wondering why you’re feeling lost. It’s because you’re not trying to control your life.
The healing medicine here for you? You need a supportive group of people in your life. You need healthy relationships. You need intimate connection with people who see you and understand you for who you are and they’re not trying to change you and they’re not trying to build you or mold you into who they want you to be or who they think would be beneficial to have in relation to. It feels like that’s what those people were trying to do, those adults in your life in the past. They were trying to mold you into an asset for themselves, but they didn’t see you at all.
It also seems like you have some hidden talents, some hidden career option of an artistic bent – possibly something like martial arts, dance. Maybe creative and artistic but in a physical way. Physically expressive. Very physically expressive. Archery. Some sort of physically expressive art. Bowling. Sports. Dance.
You need to physically express yourself a lot more. Physical expression will also help to express your energy in a way that will help to move it through your body so you don’t feel so stuck and so lost. Physical exercise, going to the gym, any way that you can physically move your body in a way that’s pretty rigorous or vigorous activity is going to help.
If you have any challenges with motion at all doing something even like Qigong or Tai Chi, energetic work or certain kinds of meditation, energetic practices where you’re going to focus on moving and cultivating your energy in a way that’s very fiery or very “movement-of-your-energy-based”, that is also something that could be more accessible that is also completely appropriate in this situation.
You need to get your energy moving and specifically up and away from the people – there’s several people; however, I’m seeing maybe 3 or 4 in particular older figures, potentially older siblings, like an older sister, an older female relative.
I just get a sense that the people that you used to be around did not have your best interests at heart at all. It feels like they ganged up on you and you were the odd one out where you had to fend for yourself in terms of your fighting for your own interests. And when you did not have the resources – the money, the transportation capabilities – to make those things happen for yourself, you basically just let them die out and stopped trying to stand up for yourself in the face of this larger influence of several family members, but let’s say like 3 to 4 in particular that just really were not supportive of you.
So your body needs to explode physically. You have a lot of pent up energy. It’s all of your energy. It’s physical energy, it’s sexual energy, it’s your life energy, your life force vitality that needs to explode out of you in a physical manner. So, any kind of physical movement, artistic, creative endeavours, singing, anything like that, creative movement, works of art – needs to come out of your body, stat.
You might also be interested in trying or you might find it helpful to try somatic practices that help with anger release, like shaking or tapping or something like that. Somatic anger release practices. Especially shaking in particular might be helpful for you to get that energy moving up and out of your body and give that anger and that rage at being stifled for so long someplace to go.
Also, watch your diet. Pay really close attention to what your stomach is sensitive to. If your stomach doesn’t like something, stop eating it. You may need to experiment with some more foods. I feel like fruit, high water content foods, could be helpful. Nothing greasy, nothing heavy, maybe even no dairy. Just very lightweight high water content foods. Apples, bananas, oranges, peaches, pears, that kind of thing.
Nothing too heavy. Your stomach feels like it needs to heal. It looks like you could be experiencing a lot of health issues that are related to the gut or at least they’re stemming from the gut.
The main message for you here is that your body wants to heal. Your body’s in the process of healing, the thing that you need to do now is to support it in every way you can by focusing on listening to it – doing parts work and doing meditations to sit with your body and allow whatever messages it’s communicating with you that may be coming through via physical means, like illnesses and whatnot – that would be good. Sitting with your soul, making sure you’re staying in alignment with your soul, talking to your spirit guides.
You need to come back to yourself in terms of making sure that you’re able to understand what you want and then go after it because – this is the main message for you – you’re not in that childhood state anymore where touching your desires is like an electric fence that you’re going to get punished for and zapped as soon as you try to move towards that thing. It’s completely understandable that you’ve experienced that trauma, so those electric fences are still up around your desires. However, now that you’re an adult, you need to take your life into your own hands and make your own way, establish your own life for yourself, build your own life for yourself away from those people that have been very toxic in your life.
The bigger distance you’re able to put between you and them and the more you’re able to get your own place, make your own money, establish your independence, figure out ways to get yourself transportation to get yourself where you need to go, the more you’re going to be able to get back in touch with being able to do those things that you want and you’ll be able to work through those triggers of feeling super scared about going for what you want because you’ll be able to touch those things now.
As a result of building your own life and then establishing your ability to actually meet your needs and get the things that you want, your body will fully heal and you will feel a lot better. You’ll have a much more enjoyable life and you’ll be able to heal a lot better and become more whole by virtue of doing that. Your body will heal, your gut will heal, you’ll live a happier, healthier life overall. That’s the direction you need to go in.